Who on earth is the Clan MacTamsie? This was simply a nickname used by my Mother as a bit of humour when she became attached to my father, Captain Thomas just after the First World War.
What is this album? It is one of many albums containing photos, sketches and diary notes created by my Mother, Ruby Thomas (nee Gordon). As it was falling to bits I had it repaired and rebound. My mother's words are in italics.
Caroline Thomas
The origins of the motto 'Foutez moi le camp' are obscured in mystery, but were all part of the joke,. The Stiltigator (obviously an alligator on stilts), is explained at the end of the account of the French holiday.
Here is the wee couple. My Mother actually was descended from the Gordons, a family of Scottish warriors, but my Father is an imposter.
The story of this romance began on 25 November 1919 when they met at a dance at the Regina Hotel in Folkestone, which stood just to the east of the Pleasure Gardens Theatre, both now gone.
Miss Gordon was attired in a gown of flame-coloured ninon, made by herself, with a girdle of coloured fruits which afterwards came in useful for a black velveteen frock. Captain Thomas was attired in a navy blue fascinator with a red stripe, as per diagram, denoting, it has been suggested, War Work with the Americans. The room was full of people at the time, but they are too hard to draw.
Their first words were most romantic, as follows:
Miss Gordon: "Of course I couldn't hear what your name was." "My name is Thomas." "Thomas what?" (forward hussy). "No, Wot Thomas."
There were many more dances, and this was clearly one of the more memorable ones.
Here we have portrayed Tommy, whose name was afterwards changed to Tammy, arrayed in a fancy dress which could easily have represented both a Fairy Prince and a Footman. Ruby, who was later known exclusively as Tooty, has powdered hair, because powdered hair is so becoming, and wears a suitable costume. Hebblethwaite is looking daggers because he had paid for Tooty's ticket and wanted to walk with her in the Grand Parade. but Fate had arranged otherwise for the young couple.
After the dance everyone dashed off in taxis and collected at the Kenny's empty house in Bouverie Road. Dodo had bagged the key and let everyone in. Then ensued an orgy of fried eggs, cold, on dusty plates, port wine and chocolates eaten in the house-keeper's room, where most of the company behaved scandalously, and broke a good many wine glasses washing up afterwards. This lasted till about four in the morning.
THE SECRET PLOT,
AND THE EVEN MORE SECRET SUB-PLOT
Just before the New Year, Tooty and Mrs FitzGerald concocted a secret plot, namely to bicycle to the South of France. Tooty having always been considered dotty in the home circle, the project was looked upon only as a mad and impossible idea. However Tammy, when told about it, offered to take them both in his car. Not a word was breathed to anyone, but on Monday January 4, Tooty had her photo taken for a passport, and on Saturday she escaped to London to stay with Hope. Tammy and Hebblethwaite went too, and the latter helped her get a passport. In the evening all four went to Kissing Time at the Winter Garden.
February 3, 1920. Tooty got up at seven that morning, nearly frantic with agitation in case the plot had been discovered. Her father saw her off, with Mrs Fitz, but little knew Capt. Thomas was to meet them at Boulogne!
(They sailed over on the SS Invicta, which had been used as a troop-ship during the Great War.)
Wed 4: They had breakfast at 7.30, and left the Hotel Meurice about 8.30, taking with them wine, rolls and pate for lunch. Just outside Abbeville they stopped and ate and drank a great quantity by the side of the road. The morning began by being quite cold and misty. At 3.30 they reached Rouen and stopped at one or two hotels to ask their prices. The best one -- l'Hotel de la Poste -- was voted too expensive, as Tooty only had £25 for the whole journey! So they stayed at the Hotel d'Angleterre by the river. After tea at a cafe they looked round the shops, and after dinner Tammy and Tooty went for a walk by the riverside, on the dirty old barges packed tightly together, in and out of the grimy trains that puffed and shunted along the quay. And then they went over a bridge, and at dead of night dropped a penny into the middle of the Seine. And another one was hidden in the foliage of some stone statuary exactly half way along the bridge. On the way back -- but that must come later.
In the glow of filial affection, which suddenly fell on Tooty, she purchased a large and friendly-looking Camembert cheese to send her father. She wrapped it up and took it to the girl in the office to post. She looked at it rather suspiciously and said "C'est un fromage, n'est-ce-pas?" Now the point is, how did she know? Anyway, it was no use bluffing after that, as food was not allowed to be sent out of the country, the cheese had to be packed into the car with all the million and one other things -- cameras and petits pains, coats and furs, odd parcels and bottles of beer. And when they were all unpacked there was noticed a distinct odour of -- well, one can guess!
(It is time to view the 'Belsize' motor vehicle in which our intrepid explorers were travelling. The following anecdote then comes as no surprise.)
Thu 5: The steering went wrong near Moulins, making the car swerve from one side of the road to the other. Quite near Moulins a chicken, which was quietly grazing by the roadside, suddenly decided to cross over ... and met with a startling death about half way. It was eaten as a special course at dinner that night, and altogether cost thirteen francs!!
Sat 7: The car took the whole day to mend in Moulins, so Tammy and Tooty went out for a walk, and of course got into mischief. They came to a bridge and, not satisfied with walking over it, they must needs go under it as well. the mud was as sticky and the sand as soft and the water as wet as in most rivers, and of course Tooty walked right in the middle of it and simply soaked her shoes and stockings.
In the afternoon they went with Mrs Fitz to look over the local 'sights' -- the cathedral, museum and divers churches. They bought some cakes and made their own tea in the hotel on the Tommy's cooker. Heavens! The mess! The kettle took three quarters of an hour to boil and then it wasn't hot, and only made two cupfulls at that, and then it didn't taste of tea because the mug hadn't been washed since its purchase at Rouen, and had been used daily by three people for beer, vin ordinaire, cocoa and tooth-water. After that there wasn't any more fuel, as it had all upset and most of it got burnt and the tablecloth got smeared with streaks of black.
(This picture of the MacTamsie's in bed together explains how important it was to have a chaperone on the trip. But Mrs Fitzgerald presumably took the photograph so she was not being very effective in that role.)
You should have seen Fitz leaping over the stone posts on the pavements. Yards of yellow stocking showing. (And not only that.) It was very funny to watch the citizens of Moulins turn round staring and pointing at Fitz's yellow stockings! They didn't quite approve of the behaviour of these three English imbeciles.
In one of the main streets there was a shop window containing a few dummies and some articles of male clothing. Tooty and Fitz suddenly came upon this window, and burst into fits of laughter. It looked something like this, only much funnier. It wore vest and pants (short ones) with sock suspenders suspending some gaudy abominations. But the most ludicrous item was the dicky shirt front. This was really too much, and it wasn't long before the manager's attention was drawn to the unseemly mirth outside his window, and then to the cause of it. With a snarl of baffled rage he leapt into the window and removed the dummy to a secure retreat, away from the unappreciative eyes or passers-by.
After dinner Tooty suggested dressing up, so Fitz submitted to having her hair piled on the top of her head and powdered. She wore a black dress, and the over-skirt was bunched up and stuffed with the Daily Mail. Except for the inevitable yellow stockings, the effect was admirable.
Tooty was a Kirschner Girl, and wore very little besides some yellow cami-knickers and black silk stockings. Tammy was (meant to be) an Indian Prince, heavily draped in a hotel sheet, with a tablecloth on his head, and some scarves around his waist.
The evening commenced with an exhibition on the Tommy's Cooker, punctuated with low songs from Mrs Fitz who paraded the bed with Tammy's field boots on and his khaki cap on her head. Then Tammy bet her five francs she couldn't walk round the room balancing a tin of gold flake on her head. This meant going over the bed, which she did and eventually won the five francs.
It was getting pretty late when someone thought of drinks; in answer to the bell a waiter appeared and, on opening the door, could not conceal his astonishment of finding what he and the rest of the hotel took to be mother and son dressed up in fancy dress in the middle of the night! Tooty had disappeared under the voluminous eiderdown, not being sufficiently clad to receive visitors!
Sunday, February 8
They left Moulins at 8.15. Imagine getting started at that unearthly hour after the night before! During the morning's run they stopped at La Clayette and took photogarphs of the beautiful chateau. The scenery was so lovely it was difficult to decide where to stop for lunch, but the matter was taken out of their hands just after Chauffailles by a puncture. It was soon mended, and after lunch all progressed well until they lost their way and the tyre, which had a slight leak, went flat. Twice it had to be pumped up, and the second time was full of humour. It happened just outside an estaminet where a few loafers were lounging about ready to be interested in anything. Tammy got out his paraphernalia and started away energetically to administer the correct number of pounds of air. Glancing at the gauge -- "I'll give it seventy" he said.
The tyre exploded loudly as if in protest, and the yokels gathered round to gloat over the travellers' despondency when, to their evident surprise, all three burst into peals of laughter. When sufficiently recovered from the humorous situation, the stepney was attached and, as by now it was getting late, much time having been wasted on accidents, thoughts of tea were resolutely spurned. Five miles outside Lyons the beastly stepney succumbed, and at lighting up time the lamps refused to work. So, tea-less and tired, lamp-less and in pitchy darkness with a perfectly flat tyre and stepney, Fitz, Tooty and Tammy arrive in Lyons to see a roof for the night. The smart hotel was the Grand, but it seemed too ambitious for the lean purse of the penniless Tooty. A lady in a cake shop suggested the Hotel des Quatres Nations, but when Tooty and Fitz went to look at it their hearts sank. It was small and dirty, and a quantity of perspiring peasants were dancing in the dining room. That settled it. Back they went to find Tammy waiting by the Belsize and, after it was garaged, they settled down, worn out in the Grand Hotel. The Camembert was among the wraps and furs and numberless parcels in the car, and it was inadvertently put into a cupboard in Tooty's and Fitz's room. It was soon discovered, and was eventually hung up in the open window of Tammy's bedroom, where it provided food for thought and a subject for much discussion.
Monday, February 9
The car had to be mended, so they stayed a whole day in Lyons. It was so foggy and dismal that it wasn't worth going round "seeing the sights". There was an English family called Haydon who had been at the Grand Hotel de Paris at Moulins, and Tammy had a chat with the two men about roads and maps and cars and things. Fitz lost a large pearl out of her brooch. Letters were picked up at the Post Office. It was decided not to go to a theatre, but early to bed instead.
Tuesday, February 10
Breakfast early -- in bed. At nine all was ready to start off. Of course all the hotel staff gathered round, and Fitz with a magnificent air pressed a folded note into the hand of the obsequious porter who, thinking it was at least ten francs, thanked her profusely. Before he had opened and found it was only 50 centimes -- about 3d -- the car was on the point of starting when Tooty discovered she had left her muff up in her room, and Tammy had to face twice the infuriated row of disappointed menials! It was a heroic deed indeed.
At Ouillon two miles from Lyon they stopped to pick up petrol and buy bread. to their astonishment the shop people would not accept Lyon paper money, and there was great difficulty in getting rid of them at the Post Office in exchange for stamps.
The roads were perfectly abominable. A curious incident occurred near here. A man was seen approaching on a bicycle, and when he was only about two yards off the car, which was of course on the right hand side of the road, he suddenly without warning fell off and, leaving the bicycle on the left, crawled right across the road, almost under the wheels of the car. With great skill and presence of mind Tammy swerved and avoided running over the maniac by approximately half an inch.
The stopping place for lunch was a beautiful spot on the bank of the Rhone between Thain and St Vallier. At sunset Montelimar was reached, and the travellers put up at the Hotel des Princes. Here were sumptuous bedrooms, with bathroom and dressingroom attached, and in contrast a gloomy, small and not too immaculate dining room with one bright spot -- the waiter! His name was Jack, and he danced about between the tables with dainty little steps, laying down plates with a flourish. he spoke English, to his evident pride, and when Fitz asked him how many children he had, he got a bit muddled and answered "Thirty five", thinking she had asked his age! He did not understand the roars which greeted this revelation and said "You are very glad, lady". They asked him for for some picture postcards and he said "Yes, I will bring you a basket". They quite expected a washing basket!
(On the right is Tooty in pensive mood at Moulins. And so she should be.)
When the drinks appeared, it was found he had only brought two glasses, and could not make out why a third was needed. However, strange gurglings coming from the other side of the bed settled the matter, and the waiter fled. Tooty drank Benedictine out of a tooth tumbler and didn't object in the least!
Just outside Avignon they stopped for lunch which they had on the top of a bank at the side of the road, on the left with the car drawn up below. A closed carriage driven by a man rather the worse for wear was approaching one way, and a farm cart the other, when suddenly there was a crash and much shouting. The two carts in trying to pass each other collided, a horse was slightly hurt and a window was broken. Strangely enough, Tammy was blamed for the accident! The driver of the farm cart, who had apparently been asleep, explained that his horse could not see the car as it was on the wrong side of the road!! He made an awful fuss about it, and had the cheek to take the number of the car.
Wednesday, Feb 11
Soon after leaving Montelimar the fan refused to work, the radiator leaked and, once stopped, the engine refused to work again. Tooty mended the radiator by cutting a portion of a new inner tube and binding it round the pipe. Tammy, in testing the sparking plugs, was turning the cranking handle to no avail, when one of the plugs which he had left on the cylinder fell off, and he bent over to pick it up. He kept hold of the handle with one hand, and had the plug -- still connected -- in the other, when the engine suddenly started and he got the most awful electric shock which sent him flying half across the road!
At Aix the cleanest looking hotel seemed to be one which bore the name of L'Hotel Negre et Coste, but alas! the interior was inferior, to say the least of it and --- but the subject had better be dropped. It is an unpleasant one. The town was hot, dusty and malodorous, but the beds were clean. For breakfast next morning the three martyrs ordered boiled eggs because, as Fitz said, "You can't get inside an egg!" When they were opened they were entirely uncooked: had merely been placed in a dish of hot water and sent up.
Thursday, Feb 12
How thankful they were to leave the Hotel Negre et Coste! Tammy presented the chambermaid, a slatternly young woman of about 15, with a miscellaneous collection of coins -- a few Belgian bits, several farthings and a few odd bits of paper. She seemed highly delighted. The roads beyond Aix were splendid and the scenery grand. At Le Luc there was an incident which came to be known as the Os Calcis. On one side of the road was a big lorry and on the otehr a cart, with not much space between them. Enough for the car to pass through instead of getting out of the way and leaving more room for the motor. Tammy sounded the horn, but with no effect, shouted, and still no sensation. "All right then," he said to himself and drove the car so close to the man that a wheel went over his heel, and by the shouting and swearing that followed, one would have thought he had been mortally wounded.
During the afternoon the Stepney had to be put on, taking some time to do. Thirteen miles out of Cannes, as the car reached the top of a high hill, the universal joint broke, and the car had to come to a standstill with the main shaft dragging along in the road acting as a sort of brake. This was the first serious accident that had happened, and it seemed hard to realize that it was not an affair of a few minutes like the others. All search for the lost connecting-pin proved fruitless. While Tammy was under the car, Tooty stood in the middle of the road and stopped the first car that came along. it was an empty taxi, and the driver agreed to give Tammy a lift into Cannes to fetch a lorry to tow the car, and a taxi for the ladies.
After he had gone Fitz and Tooty prepared themselves for a wait of some hours. Presently a little figure appeared, toiling up the long hill, dragging after him a vehicle consisting of a wooden box on four small perambulator wheels. He stopped on seeing the breakdown, and offered to assist. In her best French Tooty explained the trouble, and the boy began to look for the lost pin. There was no sign of it, and then he opened his box to see if he had anything that would do. In the box was an odd collection of rubbish -- an old pair of boots, some wire, tools, old nails and scraps of iron, all smothered in what looked like chalk. Fitz's curiosity was thoroughly roused, especially as she could not understand a word of the conversation. He looked about twelve years old, very brown, very freckled, very dirty. Tooty asked him where he was going and he said he was making a tour of France. He pulled out some papers which disclosed his name -- Leopold Gluck, Belgian, 12 years of age. His mother and father had been taken prisoner by the Germans and he had travelled all through France with his 'auto', sleeping under hedges and eating whatever he was given. He pointed out that it was all downhill into Cannes, and offered to tow the Belsize all the way.
Presently a beautiful motor pulled up near the accident, and the owner got out and very politely asked if he could assist. His chauffeur disappeared underneath the derelict and came out saying the case was hopeless if a connecting pin could not be found. A lorry which passed was hailed, but had nothing that would fit. In gratitude Fitz threw the men an almost full tin of Gold Flake, little as it could be spared. Tammy had taken to France with him a store of 500 cigarettes, but what with Fitz smoking almost ceaselessly all day long, and Tooty not far behind, the whole lot was finished in ten days!
The owner of the beautiful car then suggested he should tow the Belsize into Cannes, and asked Tooty if she could steer. Only having driven a car once, and having had great trouble with the steering on a perfectly flat, smooth road, Tooty agreed to steer the defective Belsize, with one brake out of order and an inefficient foot-brake, thirteen miles downhill on a hairpin-bending road with a precipice on one side. It took all Tammy's strength to keep his foot on the brake when he had the handbrake working as well, and the steering was hard enough without the Stepney on ....
Luckily they had not gone far before a taxi stopped on the hill a little way in front, and a paralysed, white-faced Tammy got out and blockaded the way. The Belsize was careering drunkenly from side to side, in imminent danger of crashing into the beautiful car in front, whose owner kept anxiously turning round, making Tooty even more nervous. He was so relieved that he almost forgot to thank the kind Frenchman for his help -- which so nearly caused the wreck of both cars. Fitz was enthusiastically uttering sentiments of gratitude and invitations to dinner, all of which had to be translated by the embarassed Tooty. The Belsize was drawn onto a level place and abandoned, and the three re-united started off for Cannes in the taxi. In spite of all the worry and anxiety, Tammy had not forgotten to provide sustenance for the weary waiters, and the oranges and vin blanc were very welcome.
Through Cannes, and on to Nice .... and the taxi pulled up at the hotel where Fitz had booked rooms. "Vairy sorry --- there are no rooms vacant. You were expected two days ago, and we have given your rooms to other visitors." Agony! Ten o'clock at night and homeless in an overcrowded resort! Fitz gave the manager of the Hotel Metropole a piece of her mind, and he was cowed into telephoning for other accommodation. Eventually three rooms were obtained at St. Barthelemy for the night, a few miles out of Nice, and here the dog-tired, infuriated, relieved, dusty travellers slept the sleep of the just.
Friday, 13 February
The next morning the manageress told them of an hotel in Nice kept by some friends of hers, who had two rooms vacant, a double room for the ladies and a single one for the gentleman. After packing, they took the tram down into Nice and went to look at the Hotel d'Albion, Boulevard Duboucharge. It suited them admirably. After a little shopping they went back to lunch and brought down their luggage in a cab. Tea at the Hotel Ruhl, one of the largest and smartest, where a the dansant was in progress, and an invitation for a dance that night presented. After dinner, at 9.30 they went, and had great fun.
Saturday, Feb 14
The habit of getting up early must have been very strong, for they had breakfast at 8 o'clock, though were not ready to go out till 11.30. They were supposed to get cartes d'identite, having intention to reside in the town for 15 days, but the office was in such a filthy slum, and the unkempt officials were either absent or imbecile, that they gave up the idea, and determined to risk imprisonment. After fetching letters from the Metropole they caught the train to Cannes, and lunched on the beach. The photo is of Tammy but, by accident, Tooty signed her name right across the negative instead of in the space provided.
In a window Tooty saw the most attractive hat of rust-coloured straw with red and green leaves sewn all round. Still having a small portion of the War Bond she had sold to pay for the entire trip, she purchased it, and carried it back in triumph.
Sunday, Feb 15
There was going to be a Grand Bal Fleuri at the Casino that night, and no-one would be admitted unless their fancy dress were made of Silk, Satin or Velvet. Neither Fitz, Tooty, nor Tammy had a fancy dress of any kind, so they bought dominos at the Casino. These were so hideous, in colour and shape, that Tooty decided to spend the sixty francs which was the price of the second-hand abominations, on material and make a fancy dress for herself. Most of the shops were open on Sunday mornings, so she was able to buy three yards of black crepe de chine, a white ruffle and a bit of cherry coloured ribbon, and spent the afternoon -- after a picnic lunch at Cimies, making them up into a covering of some sort for the dance. At ten the dance started, and Fitz and Tooty danced alternate dances with Tammy until, after a dance together, Tooty and Tammy returned to their chaperone to find her accompanied by a young Frenchman, both drinking champagne. Fitz explained that the M.C. had brought him up to her as he had asked for an introduction, and as they danced very well together, it seemed very convenient. After one rather extraordinary effort with him Tooty decided to leave him to Fitz, and for the rest of the evening Fitz and her young man danced together. Supper was the most exotic affair, champagne and oysters, pate de foie gras and the most luscious of cream ices were the most notable and unforgettable dainties amongst a galaxy of courses. After it was all over, Fitz was brought back by her young Frenchman, and came into the room where Tooty and Tammy were waiting for her, having arrived home first, shouting with laughter.
"What do you think his name is?" she cried. "He gave me his visiting card, and it is such a funny name!" "Well, what is it?" the others asked. "ETIMMA PIN!" "What?" and Fitz repeated his name again -- at least that is what it sounded like. "I should think it is a funny name," said Tammy, "Let's have a look at his visiting card." And when Fitz produced it, he and Tooty burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter. There was something so very absurd about the whole thing -- for the poor man to be called Pin in the first place, and then Fitz's mispronounciation of Etienne made it sound so comic. Too, it was so typical of Fitz to mispronounce a French word. 'Antibes' was never anything else by Anty-bees after Fitz had mentioned it; or 'Cagnes' anything but Cag-ness. The 'Paillon' became Pillion, and of course 'Etimma' is never spoken of as anything else.
